Ten Things I Learned As A Dad

Posted: April 7, 2015 in Family, Leadership
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

I have been blessed with a wonderful Dad who invested and continues to invest into my life. Even with a fabulous role model in my home growing up and with other great dads as examples to look to, there are still a few things I learned by being “Dad” to my daughter and son.

It is Spring and my youngest will be graduating high school next month.  Looking back, I have many fond memories of being a Dad for two wonderful children.  Realizing that I will soon have two children in college and basically living on their own, I began to reflect on some of the things I have learned over these past few years of DadLife.

There are no real profound concepts to any of these.  These are just things I recognized as a Dad raising children into young adults.  Some are lessons I learned.  Others are just my realizations of the joy of my DadLife.

As a Dad, I’ve learned:

  1. Actions lead and Directions send.  There are times when Dad’s directions are important to send a child on an appropriate path.  However, As a Dad, it is far more important that my own actions lead my children through life lessons.  My actions will lead where my directions may never send.  More importantly, if Dad’s actions do not closely mirror his directions in an area, his children are more likely to learn his example rather than the lesson he desires to direct.
  2. Dad must teach results.  As parents, Mom and I found it important to positively teach our children.  We found when we used negative wording in our instructions our children often heard us in the positive.  For instance, if we told a child “Don’t run in the house” that child’s actions indicated he/she heard “Run in the house.”  In this example, we found a simple instruction to “walk” produced the desired results.  We also taught our children that TRUTH is specific and TRUTH MATTERS.  The one lesson we were able to teach our children early that has produced the brightest results is:  “Delayed obedience is really disobedience with a time limit.”  As a result, even as teenagers, our children followed our instruction quickly.  We never had to break their disobedience, because they learned the benefits of obedience early.
  3. There is a big difference between Discipline and Punishment.  The word discipline is derived from the same root word as the word disciple.  As such, discipline means a refining of beliefs and behavior leading to desired results.  Discipline leads to desired results, by consciously reviewing consequences of actions and refining the decision processes causing those consequences.  Punishment is the negative consequence to one’s actions or decisions.
  4. Dad must always have Mom’s back.  It’s going to happen.  Some time, somewhere, something is going to come up where a child or children try to play one parent against the other.  This is why it is vitally important that parents are on the same page.  However, the tone Dad sets in this area can go a long way toward reducing the number of these events.   The best thing I realized as a Dad in this area was:  She was my Bride long before she was their Mom and she will be my Bride long after they move out of the house. There should never be any question whose side I will be on in this arena.  Dad has Mom’s back.  When Dad has Mom’s back, Mom is more likely to get the respect she deserves from the beginning.
  5. It’s okay for Dad to show emotion.  Dads are still human.  We get mad, sad and glad like anyone else.  It is important for us to establish a good example for handling those times when our emotions are less than desirable.
  6. All words have meaning, but Dad’s words have weight.  For better or worse, Dad’s words will impact a child’s life.  As Dads we have a choice to positively lift up our children or negatively tear them down.  Either one will impact a lifetime.  It is important to use the weight of our words to compliment, encourage and enable our offspring to succeed in life.
  7. Dad is going to mess up, but it’s not the end of the world.  There is no doubt that Dad is going to make mistakes.  What is important is what Dad does after he messes up.  When Dad faces his mistakes and seeks to make corrections, he teaches his children that “failure is not final.”  Excuses are not an option.  It is far easier to go from failure to success than it is from excuses to success.  Like I said earlier, we want to teach results, which means teaching success.
  8. The best investment Dad can make for his grandchildren is being a Godly parent to his children.  This is a direct reflection of the truth of Proverbs 13:22.  The best inheritance or heritage we can leave for our grandchildren is not money or material wealth.  The best heritage we can leave our grandchildren is Godly parents, which we raised by example in our own home.  Our children are blessed that my wife and I both have parents who live out with purpose Proverbs 13:22.   I have no doubt that each of them will be a parent that seeks to continue this heritage.
  9. I miss being Dad to my children, but I love being Dad to two outstanding young adults. They are not children any longer.  That time seems to have passed so quickly.  They have grown up.  I could not be more proud of the adults they have become.  They are two of the most outstanding young adults I know.
  10. I absolutely love DadLife.
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